Then you make lists of those you loved (some true) and
those who loved you back and suddenly you understand
distance and space and curvature, the bigness of small
things and how to solve for x. Doesn’t a lifetime only
get you to the edge of what you don’t know and cannot
feel? God, for instance, is a mango tree, flowering in
season, interrupted by pests or a lot of sunshine or a
little rain. Four years ago, a couple made crazy adulterous
love under one tree and it refused to fruit all summer (this,
entirely, is true). There is a reason why broken parts
together weigh more than the whole (this too, is true,
because to know grief is to know heaviness, to know how
to trap air in your open fist). But all this, because I was
sitting under a mango tree, praying it would not rain (not
true for clouds are clouds), because so much comes apart
when you have to run, mid-thought, to where it all began.
THOUGHT PURGE 
The thought of a tree not bearing fruit because it felt insulted is interesting. – Those judgemental trees!
LikeLike
Or judgemental people attributing things to nature to suit their thinking… thanks Joel!
LikeLike
Some days my thoughts go in such spirals I never know where I will end up.
LikeLike
Absolutely! Thank you, Susie.
LikeLike
interesting and creative. the sensual part still lingers in my mind. haha. great write!
LikeLike
Thank you 🙂
LikeLike
An uncanny metaphor of providence. I was startled by the unforgiving tree.
Much💖love
LikeLike
Thank you, Gillena.
LikeLike
Love this I love how you say that “There is a reason why broken parts together weigh more than the whole” so true and this is a brilliant image”to know how to trap air in your open fist”
Enjoyed that the tree didn’t give fruit as well
LikeLike
Thanks so much, Marja.
LikeLike
This is absolutely stunning in its depth and philosophy, Rajani! 💝 I love; “Doesn’t a lifetime only get you to the edge of what you don’t know and cannot feel?”
LikeLike
Thanks so much, Sanaa.
LikeLike
Perhaps the tree is reinforcing “judge not that ye be not judged”! At any rate, I enjoyed your train of thought. It was a good read.
LikeLike
Thank you, Beverly… the mind takes off in strange directions in these strange times.
LikeLike
The baggage that follows brokenness most be heavier than any other sort of bag. Perhaps, it has to do with the things the broken parts try to forget. Denial is rarely lighter than a feather (this, too, is true… really).
LikeLike
Absolutely true- denial is a heavy burden that will not be put down lightly!
LikeLiked by 1 person
The part about broken parts weighing more felt really strong to me. You can’t put things back together simply, even if you have all the parts.
LikeLike
Indeed. Thanks so much, Rommy.
LikeLike
Wait…X has a solution? I gotta get back to work.
Fine work, this.
LikeLike
Ha ha … it does, for sure 🙂 Thank you, Ron!
LikeLike
I have a lot to think about here, going to the edge of what I can’t feel. I like the line about two broken parts weighing more than their whole.
LikeLike
Thank you, Colleen.
LikeLike
A true mind wanderer today – and excellently portrayed.
LikeLike
Thank you, Anthony.
LikeLike
An interesting question, Rajani: ‘Doesn’t a lifetime only / get you to the edge of what you don’t know and cannot / feel?’ We’ll never know everything, there’s no chance of that, so I’ve resigned myself to being satisfied with the little I do know. The lines that really resonate with me are:
‘There is a reason why broken parts
together weigh more than the whole (this too, is true,
because to know grief is to know heaviness, to know how
to trap air in your open fist). ‘
LikeLike
Thanks so much, Kim.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Humans tend to live hazardous lives so who should judge God, a tree or even other people when we are prone to making mistake ourselves.
LikeLike
Indeed!
LikeLike
This pandemic isolation seems to be a time for lists, memories, understanding, strange journeys of the mind….
LikeLike
Indeed!! Thanks Rosemary.
LikeLike
The judgemental tree that refused to fruit made me smile. The wisdom of the natural world, lol. Always lovely to read you, Rajani.
LikeLike
Thank you, Sherry.
LikeLike