toothless morning
like a worn cliché
chews the dark end of the sky
**
I woke seven times
and saw seven dawns
all empty of light –
how much darkness does it take
to hide a morning?
**
somewhere
in this amorphous dawn
is a moon-eating sun
I hold the darkness close
I pretend it is you
It pretends I am the light
**
Inspired by Rosemary’s Variations on a Theme to present a thought (of sorts) as a haiku, tanka and cherita. Which one works?
Sharing this with Poets and storytellers United – As a newbie storyteller, I can’t bring my flash fiction there because of the word limit, but if you are of a mind, do check it out here and here and let me know what you think.
Rajani, this is incredible writing! Such stunning images, such a wonderful closing. Gorgeous.
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Thanks so much, Sherry. Am hardly writing any poetry so was very glad to have been inspired to do this by Rosemary’s post.
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I pictured the cliché “it’s darkest before the dawn” when I read this:
“I hold the darkness close
I pretend it is you
It pretends I am the light”
But there is so much sadness that the light and the dark cannot exist at the same time. All the while trying to hold the darkness close. Will the dark or the light prevail or somehow coexist?
Just thoughts running through my head right now. Thank you for sparking them, Rajani
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Thanks so much, Joel. Sparking thoughts is all poetry can hope to do!!
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Love that first stanza, Rajani.
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Thank you, Sara.
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I love where you took the cliché theme, Rajani, especially toothless morning chewing the dark end of the sky and ‘how much darkness does it take / to hide a morning?’ I agree about the word magic and the wonderful way you’ve played with form.
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Thanks so much, Kim.
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how much darkness does it take/to hide a morning? just enough to make it shy of its shadow
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Not a shade more, not a shade less! Of course! Thank you 😀
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I read them as one long poem, and I think it would hurt the overall if any piece of it is missing. try reading it without one of the parts. Maybe the first could go, but the idea of “toothless” informs the other two. I ended up asking what could be “toothless”? and let that reflect on the pretend. If only pretense could last a lifetime. Would it then be toothless? Can we live in fiction?
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I suppose in a way we do live in fiction… but I love how you read it… I think the word occurred to me in connection with chew, as in a morning that cannot end a night, the cliche of course being there will always be light somewhere at the end. But such a pretense of morning can last a lifetime… some do live in denial !!! Thanks Susan, am learning about my own poem from you! Super!
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Moon-eating sun… intriguing poem
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Sleepless with sadness and disapponitment certainly makes the night everlasting, love lost certainly hurts just then.
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Thank you, Robin.
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WOW you sure rocked the cherita
Happy Wednesday Rajani
Much💝love
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Thanks so much, Gillena.
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I love all of them…Such a creative way to approach the prompt.
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Thank you, Susie.
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These are all quite beautiful, but that cherita is especially haunting. That last stanza can be read a few different ways, and I like them all.
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Thank you, Rommy and am so glad you looked at it in different ways! Gladdens the poet’s soul!
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I like them all, but I love the cherita. At first, I thought that it was because I’m biased (I love the form), but I don’t think that’s it exactly–I like it more because it feels like a complete story dancing with a poem. There first and second versions are heartfelt, but the last one–the cherita–is the heart of the speaker exposed.
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Thank you, Magaly!! That syncs exactly with their definitions, Haiku is just a heartbeat and Cherita a complete story!
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This is incredibly penned, Rajani! 💝 I love; “somewhere in this amorphous dawn is a moon-eating sun.” Wow!!
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Thanks so much, Sanaa.
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This is simply word magic!
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Thanks so much, Beverly.
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There is much magic in your poetry ~
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Thanks so much for stopping by and reading. Much appreciated.
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I agree, they all work and work together. Never heard of a cherita before. Love the form and what you did with it. Gorgeous!
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Thanks so much! Cherita was created by Ai Li and has a 1 line verse followed by 2 and then 3 line verses, telling a story in 6 short lines!
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Could not work better. Moon-eater indeed. Salute!
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Thanks so much, Ron. 🙂
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Wow! They all work. And furthemore, they work as a sequence. As well as being absolutely stunning.
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Thanks so much for the inspiration! I had no response to the prompt until I read your post! Am delighted they work!
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Delighted to have been of service!
Playing with form often does it for me when I’m stuck.
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True, form can be so helpful. I seem to have landed on flash fiction to cure my writing woes! Am having a lot of fun with it!
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