I scrambled down the hot dun-sprayed rocks, the barren fields below me opening their shrivelled arms, drawing me in to their hollowed chests. The sky peered down, naked. Empty. Perhaps I was lost. Perhaps I wasn’t really here. Perhaps it wasn’t really there.
But the claustrophobic grip of déjà-vu tightened, I was clutching at mirages, gasping for real air. I knew these hills, that ebony raven, that banyan tree, its roots rushing to the ground with swirling memories of fresh earth and ancient petrichor. Even these bleeding scratches were familiar. I remembered the taste of swallowed screams, the blazing purple of inevitable pain.
And then I saw it. The lone cottage by the dry canal, its desolation dimming the sullen light. I pushed open the door and there he was -in the peeling paint, in the motionless curtains, in the books lined on crude wooden shelves, in my picture staring at me from his desk, in the unfinished poem waiting by the empty bed.
just the sound
of the afternoon wind
knocking, still knocking
I loved the closing paragraph before the haibun, Rajani. The way you discovered him in the paint, the curtains, the light and the unfinished poem was beautiful. It gave for me that sense intimacy we feel when memories and emptiness collide inside of us… when the empty wind comes knocking.
Michael
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Thanks so much Michael.. that empty wind is a tricky ol’ thing isn’t it!!!
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SMiLes.. for me at least
all words.. things..
and subjective
ideas without
words at all..
are prompts
for poeTry and
emoTioN maniFest
dance that flows too..
an exercise of the heARt
Muscle that travels far
within.. perhaps
even wHere no
human
has
gOne
before..
it’s worth a try..:)
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It left me wondering and I think that’s what you wanted. I liked it!
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Thanks Bekkie
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One of the most intriguing haibun I’ve ever read!
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Thanks Carol 🙂
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You’re welcome!
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Oh, THIS:
“the taste of swallowed screams”
Whew. And the repeat in your haiku. So powerful.
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Thanks so much 🙂
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So beautiful, so evocative, so right.
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Thanks Rosemary 🙂
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What an incredible journey of thought! Beautiful!
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Thank you Walt!
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The image of the unfinished poem and the poem closing the haibun work brilliantly here.
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Thank you Adriana 🙂
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I love the image of the wind knocking. Your prose is stunning!
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Thank you Bryan.
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Interesting how there’s such a frantic pace about this as I read it. Nicely done.
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Thank you Misky!
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I love the way the prose starts on the rocks and ends with the unfinished poem – and the haiku. A journey in memories.
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Thanks Kim 🙂
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I found your haibun utterly satisfying: the scene came alive with your words, and the concluding haiku added that hint of mystery to intrigue and leave me wondering. Thank you for a lovely piece of writing.
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Thanks so much for visiting. Appreciate your comment greatly 🙂
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Brings to mind “facing fears” and you wisely leave that “open”… Your writing is gorgeous – this is my first try at haibun and haiku and I’m glad I didn’t read anyone else’s first or I would have been intimidated.
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Thanks so much Margaret. Am so glad you chose to participate.
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What an intriguing, mystifying post…from our word-smith host!! I admire the solid details which frame a brooding mood.
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Brooding mood… I think you got that perfectly! Thanks Lynn.
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I agree with Bjorn…almost has a deja-vu feel to it, like memories arising through her journey to her “destination.” I wondered who “he” was and liked the touch of the unfinished poem at the end…a nice finish.
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Thanks so much. Glad you liked it!
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This is shrouded in mystery and atmosphere making me want to know more.
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Thank you Victoria…
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Exceptional!
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Thank you, glad you liked it.
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Your poem has left me thinking of dreamers and ghosts… Love the the setting, the tone, the smell of “ancient petrichor”. And your haiku adds the perfect ending spice.
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Thanks Magaly 🙂
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I loved how you captured that sense of not being sure of where you were or if you had been there before….beautifully done.
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Thank you so much.
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Sometimes the short journeys to “deja vu” destinations are the hardest. Your imagery in this is awesome. Peace, Linda
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Thanks so much Linda.
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I hit send before I meant to! I like the unwritten poem so very much – between the ruin of that cabin and the dry canal, the poem at the end sums up such loss and sadness.
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Thanks so much, appreciate your comment greatly.
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haunting write….
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Well put, incredible sense of place & moment–leaving us to determine whether dreamscape or landscape; bittersweet nightmarish journey–paean to loss; really brilliant, & the senryu was very strong; smile.
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Thanks so much Glenn.
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I admire the capture of the senses in that time & place: I knew these hills, that ebony raven, that banyan tree, its roots rushing to the ground with swirling memories of fresh earth and ancient petrichor. Even these bleeding scratches were familiar. I remembered the taste of swallowed screams, the blazing purple of inevitable pain.
The ending leaves me intrigued & very mystified ~ Thanks for hosting our Haibun Monday ~
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Thanks so much Grace.. was delighted to guest host. Appreciate being invited.
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This is something that could be a dream, the deja-vu of finding a place so familiar, yet new. I love the inclusion of smell and sound.. but the best part the unfinished poem… a great example.
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Thank you Bjorn 🙂
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Omg, such powerful thoughts. I wish I understood half of it. Maybe someday you will walk the readers like me through this great poem.
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Thank you… glad to answer any questions you might have on the post 🙂
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