Every time she smiled, she died a little more.
His voice waited, huddled on decrepit platforms in an old grey blanket, peering down the tracks. She thought she heard him through the window, a mocking blur, the stiffly bent vowels a familiar tune, her lips coating half-forgotten words, trembling as the melody rose to find tunnels between nameless stars that hung like abandoned cities in the sky. They had not spoken in years. Not since that train pulled away.
She turned as she heard the key turn in the lock, grabbed her fallen smile, chipped and bent like a pair of well worn spectacles, and let it settle on the bruised bridge of her mouth.
on the fresh snow
squirrel tracks
in both directions
I am deeply touched by this song of sadness.
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Thanks so much TioStib.
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The haiku stands independent from the prose. Partings in the cold. And her fetching her smile … had to look for mine once. Looked everywhere! Not for the same reason though.
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These contrasting styles work so well together.
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Thank you 🙂
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love the description of smile. ‘abandoned cities in the sky’ ~ very interesting idea to ponder about too. Masterfully written haibun, haiku layers- excellent addition to prose, bravo!
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Perhaps, it is the fake smile that makes her die a little more…
“nameless stars that hung like abandoned cities in the sky”
I wonder how many nameless stars are out there waiting to be discovered in empty cities..
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Absolutely, thank you 🙂
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This is a wow for me–how a haibun should be done–both parts are beautifully penned
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That’s very kind Audrey, thank you 🙂
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Oh that smile! Wonderful and poignant haibun with so many amazing images. The haiku is perfection and highlights the prose excellently and yet, it stands by itself so well.
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Thanks so much Toni, glad you liked it.
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Profound sadness that was added to with that magnificent haiku!
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Thanks Donna 🙂
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You set this scene wonderfully………I really like her smile put on like worn spectacles. And the haiku at the end is very intriguing, very telling the footprints going in both directions. Excellently executed!
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Thanks so much Sherry…
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She turned as she heard the key turn
in the lock, grabbed her fallen smile,
It’s a point of no return, She could only react within limited options1
Hank
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Probably true… thanks so much for stopping by Hank!
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So many potent and powerful images…how sad it is that ‘we’ smile and silence ourselves from the truth…powerfully told
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Yes, and look closely and it seems to be everywhere….thanks for stopping by Jae Rose.
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really enjoyed this
thanks for dropping in at my Sunday Lime
much love…
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Whew, I really like this haibun. The prose is chilling, makes my heart race faster. I have my own picture of what takes place after his key turns in the lock. The haiku is wonderful…compliments the prose beautifully, would stand well on its own. Perfection!
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Thank you Mary..appreciate your kind comment greatly.
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the prose in the haibun is stunning. lovely imagery.
“nameless stars that hung like abandoned cities in the sky” : oh wow!!
the haiku really works to highlight the broken relationship.
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Thank you for the kind comment…
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Brilliant!
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Thanks so much Rosemary 🙂
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Beautifully poignant….. 🙂
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Thanks Sanaa
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I haven’t read all that many haibuns. I really liked this one. You surely have a way with words. They’re woven so tenderly and with such sensitivity. Thanks for the read!
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Thank you 🙂
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How profoundly sad this is. Do we ever really recover from break ups? I think not.
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Glad you liked it Oldegg… 🙂
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the haibun is so richly adorned with the gems of words…b e a u t i f u l……
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Thanks Sumana… 🙂
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This is so tender i hate to ruin it with a comment but it was impossible for me to resist. You’ve outdone yourself here. The meloncholy in this post is so contagious. Reminds me of the movie “5 Centimeters Per Second”. Thanks for sharing this. 🙂
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Thanks so much Yash..haven’t seen that movie but glad you liked the haibun!!
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I really like how you have used the wonderful haiku to complement the prose-poetry.. The metaphors in the prose is spectacular (pun not intent ended)… Yes this is the experience I wan’t from reading a haibun.
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Thanks so much Bjorn..glad you liked it.
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