drop a coin in his silver plate
the homeless sky
busking by night
your songs or mine
the one-armed wind picks barbed wire strings
rain taps its feet
on bloodied ground
your side or mine
from the mountain of severed heads
let’s bring new ears
do they still scream
your name or mine
That wasn’t easy….Bravo, thotpurge! Very well executed!! Still thinking about ” the one-armed wind picks barbed wire strings”-Wow!
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Thank you so much Panchali…
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Before reading the comments I got the sense of figures on either side of s divide and the (noble, I thought) attempt to empathize against a backdrop of death and suffering. Reading in your comments what you intended makes it even more clear. Very intriguing poem.
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Thanks so much Mark.
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Drifting worked well here, I really enjoyed the way you ended each stanza ~~
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Thanks Helen 🙂
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Impressed with the slot machine as a gamble- your side or mine. Very Nice.
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nice imagery, luv how icons are switched
have a good Tuesday
much love…
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I was completely blown away by the poem, and even more impressed when I read the complicated form you executed so well. So well done.
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Thanks so much Sherry
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I prefer non-rhyming too, and love your sky rendition and personification of wind.
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Thanks Angie 🙂
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I love how your moved away from rhymes to halfrhymes and assonance– the homeless sky is such an interesting image.
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Thanks Bjorn… it came from an idea that if we destroy our land then what happens to the sky above us… 🙂
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That first stanza is fantastic, one I wish I wrote. And then the Halloween influence takes over and goes BOO!
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Thanks Colleen… was contemplating border wars actually…they can get quite gory too… 🙂
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I believe I prefer your non-rhyming version of this form. Your refrain with its slight variations worked just as well, I think – or better.
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Thank you Rosemary…am glad you liked it. 🙂
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You nailed it!
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Thanks so much.
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Wonderful the way it is Thot! With the rhyming scheme, it is a real challenge, though.
Hank
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Yes it is quite a challenge.. I have tried this form earlier with the rhyming scheme..but somehow with this one..just let it drift!
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“Homeless sky.” Fascinating!
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Thanks Marian… was thinking of borders and wars and destruction!
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Nicely done. It progresses towards Changhez Khan Saab as he arrives on stage, sword and all 🙂
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Of course… now that explains the barbed wire fence 🙂
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