Om

Paloma at Mindlovemisery’s Menagerie has a super prompt for a form called “Elfje”:

Line 1:     1 word (Color or feature – the atmosphere of the poem)
Line 2:     2 words (Something/someone with the color/feature in line one)
Line 3:     3 words (More information about the person/ object in line two)
Line 4:     4 words (The poet in relation to the object in line 2– a conclusion)
Line 5:     1 word (The “bomb” or “essence” of the poem)

subtle
lotus buds
in yogic postures
I feel their breath
“Om”

I tried to write the “same” poem in Shadorma form- (a non-rhyming six-liner in 3/5/3/3/7/5 syllables)

sonorous
reverberation,
lotus buds
breathe slowly;
chanting in yogic postures
Filling the soul. “Om.”

And as a standard 5-7-5 haiku

lotus buds exhale
chanting in yogic postures
the soul fills with “Om”

How much of the poem/image is constrained by the limits of a form or possibly enhanced? Which do you think works?

05/07/15:  Linked to Poets United

45 thoughts on “Om

  1. I like all three. The 11 word one is like a bell to ring. The other two have more spaciousness inside of them. You have written each cleverly to make full use of what the form offers.

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    1. Thank you Susan.. it was such a fun exercise. Appreciate your taking the time to review all the forms. Love your comment on the 11 word – “bell to ring”!

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  2. I think all 3 work and I find it interesting that you have 3 om’s very symbolic..I feel the first one a bit more as saying om is about breathing and the vibration of the sound as it is felt.

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    1. Thank you Gabriella. Yes was interesting..maybe it would have been different if I’d written the haiku first and then the other two forms! Was fun!

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  3. Actually I like the first one,
    the subtlety and simplicity and ending on the one
    word – the omn leading into mdediation.

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